Lately, I've resolved to begin meditating daily (we'll call it a Lenten jump-starting practice) and I've chosen the method of placing myself, using my imagination, into whatever scene I am meditating on. Today, I decided to be a disciple of St. John the Baptist. Keep in mind that I'm trying to play myself in the shoes of another...thoughts I might've had if I were John's disciple 2000 years ago, aside from anachronistic references to later things for the sake of drawing out meaning.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
I can sympathize with the Essenes of John's time, with whom many scholars believe he was associated. I am an ardent melancholic. I can understand the desire for perfection and the intellectual refusal to compromise. This often gets me into trouble, but when I do end up trying to come to some compromise with anyone (only in act, never in spirit), I screw the whole thing up anyway. I am learning (mostly from my wife, whom I owe a debt of gratitude) the choleric trait of standing up for myself and not giving in (may I never, though, pick up from her the sanguine traits of interior design or crafting).
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Anyway, as I was saying, I sympathize with the rigor of the Essenes. Once in college, one of my favorite professors told us about one of the scrolls at Qumran, which contained a debate between the Essenes and the Pharisees. They arguing over ritualistic cleanliness. The Essenes were more rigorous than the Pharisees! So, there you are, they must have been perfectionist melancholics. "The melancholic so longs for heaven that everything on earth falls short" ... and the complaints about imperfections begin.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
So I imagined myself as one of John's disciples. I see this guy eating locusts and honey. I probably try to do it myself (I'm deathly allergic to roaches, so I'm guessing locusts aren't a good idea, either), but I admire his asceticism. He's taught me a lot and I, a faithful Jew, know that I must follow the Law and the Prophets, but, like John's other disciples, I probably miss the point, at least enough that I also miss the Savior. You see, John's been talking about the Messiah. We've been expecting him. Many of us think John is the Messiah, because let's face it, he's really good at this whole following the Law thing. John denies it, though. He says he's not worthy even to serve the Messiah in the lowliest of ways, to untie his sandal. We all scoff at this. John is holy. We all know it. He does all these holy works.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
When I was a teenager and very confused about soteriology (the way most teens are confused about trig), I unwittingly found myself something of a Pelagian. It wasn't intentional. I didn't know better. Nonetheless, I've always been kind of a do-it-yourselfer. I have this tendency even now when I teach to try to make it all about my content and my methods. I leave little to God, to my great detriment.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
So I'm John's disciple, really focused a lot on works. Holy works. Good works. The Law is there for me to fulfill it. I must not sin, I must not sin. Then I see this new guy approach one day. He looks kinda like John. Could they be related? Maybe he wants to follow John, too. "Behold, the Lamb of God," John shouts, "who takes away the sins of the world!" Clearly, my spiritual leader John is telling the newcomer about himself. He's so holy. The new guy does want to be a follower of John! He's asked to be baptized! But what's this...John's refusing..."he's not worthy?" What does John mean? Of course he's worthy! His works are so holy! He follows the law so well!
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Then I see a surprise. They're talking amongst themselves when, lo and behold, John baptizes the newcomer! Well, this just proves that this Jesus character isn't the Messiah. Another notch for John's belt!
Hail Mary, full of grace...
I keep watching John and Jesus. As he comes up from the water, a dove descends on Jesus. The clouds part and a heavenly light shines on Him. There is something more than Moses, greater than Solomon, greater than Jonah here. There is grace. This man fulfills the Law. He lives out the Law with faith, hope, and love. No man can accomplish this without God's grace, and here is a sign to confirm it! What's than, God? He is your beloved Son? You are well pleased in Him? Here I try day and night to follow the Law to please God, but this one pleases God completely, by grace. God even calls Him His Son.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Now remember, I'm a melancholic, which means I can be a bit anxious at times (people who know me, chuckle here). When I was younger, this also made me sympathize with Luther. "Wait," I hear you saying now, "Pelagianism AND Lutheranism? Is that even possible?" Sure it's possible. It was possible for Luther...but that's another post. The First Luminous Mystery shows us God's sign to a people entirely concenred with good works. I don't assume that they did good works as the Pharisees did them, but even still, they could not have done them as Christ did them.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
The Baptism of Jesus gives us insight into the source of Christ's fulfillment of the Law: it is grace. Luther would say that His grace covers our sinfulness, but this is wrong. On the contrary, Christs's grace is what allows us also to fulfill the Law. We live out this life of grace in faith-working-through-love. Love is the perfect fulfillment of the Law. The Pelagians would say that man must step it up and save himself, but this is also wrong. If Christ had been a mere man, He could not have fulfilled the Law. It is only by His Divinity that He was so able, and it is only by our sharing in His divine Life that we are able.
Then St. John the Baptist smacks me for my stupid, prideful thoughts about Jesus. I really am a fool, but God teaches me!
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Let us strive this Lent to be open to God's work in us through His grace.
Pax et Bonum!
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