Pres. Bush's Meeting With Pope Postponed

Washington, D.C. - The pope will be arriving on U.S. soil shortly, but President Bush has had to dash plans to meet the esteemed pontiff. "Shepherd One," the name of the pope's airliner, will be arriving at Andrews Air Force Base this afternoon to the applause of a host of diplomats, but the president will not be in attendance.

"I really wanted to meet his holiness," said President Bush, "but today is tax day, and with the Democrats in charge of Congress, together with their actions on the appropriations committee, there's just too much threat that I might get audited if I don't handle this asap."

The pope is scheduled to have dinner at the White House this evening. President Bush and his family will be on hand as the pontiff tastes perhaps his first bite of Texan barbeque.

Asked if he would send the First Lady, the president quipped, "no, of course not. We're filing married. I need her around to sign forms. If she doesn't, we won't get our rebate. That's $1200!"

Shepherd One will, however, be greeted by several soldiers and the joint chiefs, as well as anti-aircraft artillery. "You never can be too safe; if we screen little old white ladies at the airport, even the pope could threaten national security. The ACLU insisted that we be even-handed. As you know, they run this country."

The Department of Homeland Security declined to comment.



In case you can't tell, this article is a parody of this monumentous occasion. In reality, things are different.